Banks who needs banks that's what convenience stores are for.

Here is a little fairy tale all boys and girls getting ready to go off to college should hear. It's all about the land of never going back. Never heard of it, well I bet your parents have because they are the rulers of that land. It's the magical land where laundry is done for you change is provided at your request, and a balanced nutritious meal is waiting for you at supper time. Now take a minute and look back fondly at those days you took for granted in that magical land. Ah memories, now I would like to call your attention to your current surroundings. Welcome to personal responsibility land. This is the land the rulers of never going back land should have been preparing you for, however it seems many of the people who come here from that land missed a couple of memos so please allow me to fill you in on what you have missed. Contrary to popular belief most people don't care about you. They have no stake in your success or failure so tread cautiously when meeting new people. You should also give up the myth that cars or buses will not hit you, because they will. If ever you find yourself in the crosswalk and the light has changed hurry because some folks , let's just say you should hurry. You should also be aware that buying you dinner in a convenience store, no matter how convenient is not wise nor will it help you get anything else that you really need. Take for instance laundry, before it magically appeared clean in the dresser, now it is piling up in a corner getting stronger by the day so pretty soon you are hoping it will walk itself down to the laundry and use the few coins you have left in your lucky jeans, you know the pair with that you first got that new sweetheart to notice you in, to start up a load so you have something clean to wear to class in the morning. However this will probably never happen, we hope not, maybe that is what starts the zombie apocalypse ...any-who you find yourself in this store searching for sustenance and change. Though it's not just a dollar or two you need you're talking five or better. Now here is the tricky part you remember earlier when I mentioned that most people don't care about you and your needs. This is one of those times. Most of the clerks in those types of stores have either been where you are or just flat out don't give a damn cause they are too busy thinking about their own laundry monster. Let's not even mention that providing change is just not our job. We do dispense change from a purchased item but to just plop out change all willy nilly because you have to do laundry and you complex doesn't have a change machine just reeks of a personal problem, and in the land of personal responsibility it is you ax to grind. Now some of you might say what's the big deal it's just some change? For those people I'd say f off you have no clue as to the extra work it creates. However in an effort to teach you something let's look at a scenario. Let's just say it starts with us doing your banking for you and ends with you being expelled for buying essays on the net. Long story short make your own change it teaches you something even I you don't believe it it does. It's the little things that help shape us, hey you should just get use to it because in case you forgot there is no going back to the old land and all you have left is personal responsibility land which can be fun if you stop making excuses.

Riding the Lie

So they are at it again. Usually I am pretty understanding in the fake id department. I give everyone a chance to leave with their dignity and their fake. However this last week I had someone try me extra hard. Two guys undoubtedly freshmen cam in and stood by the beer they took an unusual amount of time deciding which 24 case they wanted. Which was fine with me as I was not particularly concerned with which beer they chose. The problem didn’t start till the guys came to the counter. There were two issues. They wanted to cash some lottery ticket, which surprisingly I was fine with at this time because usually I hate cashing tickets, it’s a time thing the process is just dumb, anyway I cashed out the tickets and asked for their id’s. Here is where it started to get interesting. One guy didn’t’ have his Id this was problem number one. South Carolina law says I got to see them both. The second guy hands me his and of course it from another state, cool though not a problem normally. However this particular Id is a fake, stamped with secure and authentic all over it. So now Houston we have a major problem. I can’t sell you alcohol I told them, why not one of the guys said, so I explained the reasons. So then the other guy asked for the money from the tickets, ok cool as soon as someone shows me a real id I will gladly cash them out for you. Needless to say the guys were just content to stick to the lie, so I offered to call the cops let them verify it and then we could proceed. Immediately one of the guys responded with just let him keep the 30 dollars. Panic ensued then outrage, I am still calm, but my line is now starting to grow. Finally I was said, “look! Show me a real id and it’s all good”. The point of all of this is simply this sometimes its necessary to ride a lie into the ground, but if someone gives you a chance to keep your dignity and money by telling the truth, take it. FYI I didn’t keep their money, I gave it to some needy customers.

The Invasion has Begun!!!

The invasion has begun. The summer is over and the plague that is freshman has begun to matriculate into convenience stores all over the country. I assume this because I am convinced that we are not the only ones that suffer with countless drones, or should I say thoughtless zombies that long to binge drink in the dorm away from their parents watchful eyes, and expectations. It seems to me that we might all be served better by really looking at our children and seeing if they are ready to go away to school alone. Nonsense you say, of course they are ready! Are they really ready or are you just ready to reclaim your house? Hmmmm? Well let’s look at some examples. Today was Tuesday and most people might have a beer or two, ok, ok it is college right and you don’t have classes till Thursday so their might be a little more drinking than just a beer or two. However many of the consumers are underage dying inside to try out that new fake Id. Let’s go over the tell tale signs. Number one productive people don’t drink 72 beers on a Tuesday night, nor do they come in with questions about the content or differences between Natty and Bud. Number two people with real id’s don’t have a problem producing them nor do they have issues with knowing the information on their Id. Lastly IF YOUR ID SAYS AUTHENTIC, GENUINE, CERTIFIED, OR SECURITY LOCK IT’S NOT REAL!!!!!! Now please exit the building without a scene and some dignity.

P*ssy Juice and Money

So let’s talk about proper money etiquette shall we. Ok so recently I work the third shift at my local store. I had a couple of people that where characters, but none that compared to the two guys that came in towards 6 in the morning. Two guys approached the counter laughing and talking. At first I paid very little attention to their conversation, that is until one of the guys plopped down a rather large ball of wet cash. I stared down at the matted wet mess now leaking water onto my counter top, with a small amount of judgment in my eyes. I knew that there was going to be an interesting story behind this mass of green and white mess. One of the guys looked at me and said “Man this money got ass and pussy juice on it, I hope she ain’t think she was getting all this money”. By this point another customer has gotten in line behind these two guys, and my judgmental has transformed into on of shock and awe. The other guy then chimes in and says that there were some freaky events taking place in a tub, with some strippers. They used the wet money to purchase condoms, blunts and cigarettes, the long night survival kit. Then one of the guys decided he needed something sweet, so he meandered around the store making idol conversation with his friend leaving the matted ball of money on the counter spilling it’s questionable liquid content all over the counter. Eventually they got everything they needed and left. Now that we have a little bit of the back-story here comes the rant. If you are out and having a good time let’s try and remember a couple of things. The first thing to remember is to be aware of your surroundings. The other customers in the store need to use that counter space too and no on appreciates a freaking wet counter top. The second thing is I nor does any one else being paid to do this crappy job and work over night with idiots wants to have to deal with wet money that you have crammed into some girls anus or vagina, in a bathtub. Third if you do have to bring the money into the store let’s attempt to dry it off and not squeeze the contents of the fluid soaked paper on to the counter and the clerk announcing that there is pussy juice and ass juice on the money. Finally have a little class it’s okay to have a good time but let’s not be assholes about the degrading circumstances that you have put someone else through to have your fun. At the very least keep that shit to yourself or share it outside.

Handle who?

So I was at work dealing with the usual rush of people in a hurry. They are either getting off work and wanting cigarettes, buying beers and blunts. Oh and God forbid they for get to gamble that extra money on the lottery, when a man come in and bypasses the line and approaches the counter. Normally I'm all for a person being blunt and to the point. Dealing with people who don't know w=hat they want all day long, it is refreshing to deal with someone who knows exactly what they want, Usually. So the guy ask me if he could get a store lighter, take it outside and light his cigarette. I tried to explain to him that they were not my personal lighters to lend out, and that I didn't have one or any matches and I couldn't just let him take it from the store either. Now at this point I really didn't care about the lighter, but it was the principal of the thing, I had a store full of people and unfortunately I have to enforce the stores policy if I want to stay employed. This dude starts to get a major attitude. At this point I'm still trying to be polite, but that is wearing away quickly. The guy cuts through the line and asks another employee of the store if she was the manager. To which she replied no. Then he ask her can he get a lighter and take it outside to light his cigarette, and of course she gives him the exact same answer I did, almost word for word. "Alright, alright, I'm a handle you" he says looking at me as he exits the store. Hmm really is it that serious? I mean I am a smoker not an everyday smoker but I smoke occasionally and up until that point I could kind of understand his position. Long day lighter goes out on you all you wanna do is light ya cig up and smoke out. However don't blame me cause you ain't got a dollar six in your pocket to buy a lighter it's obvious you need one right? Side note every one in the store after he left was like WHAT THE F*@K. I shrugged it off and continued to watch the day pass waiting to get "handled"